Mothers day is complicated and messy for many people I know.
There are the obvious mothers day haters—the childless, who seethe at the
thought that other women could bear offspring and they couldn’t. There are the
understandable dislikers—the people whose mothers have passed away or who were
never present in their lives, and therefore the day causes unnecessary painful memories.
There are the less evident yet equally as stressed-out—the divorced fathers who
struggle with balancing the need to thank the mother of their children for the
things she does/did with the need to make sure she doesn’t get some crazy idea
that he wants to get back together with her. And then there are people like me,
who just don’t get what the big deal is and are generally annoyed when people
create a lot of hype over it.
I have observed otherwise likeable, rational women become
complete idiotic morons over the topic of mothers day. Let me share some
examples of irrationality:
Exhibit A: Woman feels she is “entitled”
to special treatment and guilts her family into said treatment on mothers day
because she spent nine months bearing said child and eighteen plus years
raising him/her. I’m sorry, but wasn’t that the choice you made when you decided
to have unprotected sex?
Exhibit B: Childless woman feels
angry and hurt because the leader of the church congregation announced that
they’d now like “all the mothers” to stand so they can pass out flowers to
them. Did you really expect that you should be included, too? The day is called “mothers day,” for heavens
sake, and you don’t carry that title. Deal.
Exhibit C: Woman complains that
last year they gave us a box of chocolates but this year they only gave us a
lousy rose. Wow. Just, Wow. Did I already mention how mothers day brings out
the worst, the most selfish, in people?
Exhibit D: Children are taught that
they can’t be mean to someone because “she’s somebody’s mother.” So…following
that logic…it’s okay to be mean to anyone who isn’t a mother? I'm sure that wasn't really the intended message. Misuse of
the mother title.
Based on these examples, you might erroneously think I’m one
of those angry people. I’m not angry about mothers day, I just don’t get it.
Plenty of people have tried to help me understand, and well-meaning (albeit annoying)
individuals have told me that I’ll get it when I’m a mother, someday. I
honestly hope that isn’t true (the part about me “getting” it, not the part
about being a mother someday). I sincerely believe that motherhood must be
great, must be something to look forward to, must be respected, and must be
advocated. Just like I sincerely believe it doesn’t demand a fabricated day of
celebration, nor a guilt trip toward people you actually love, nor selfishness,
nor anger just because you can’t seem to achieve it.
I also believe that it isn’t quite right to tell women, “You’re
all mothers in your own way” because that cheapens the value of actually,
truly, raising children. I do believe
you can be a mother without conceiving and giving birth—I have seen too many
successful adoptive families to have any doubt about that. But there’s
something particular about raising children that should be exclusive to that
title, Mother. I don’t want anyone to call me a mother at this point in my
life; it would be…disrespectful (not to mention terrifying). Again, though,
this leads me back to the irrationality surrounding the concept of mothers day.
Otherwise normal women get out of control (I will not extract myself from that
claim).
Let’s respect and appreciate our mothers any day of the year
they deserve it. Let’s crusade for less hype in our church communities. Let’s
offer gratitude to all the people who
have supported us through our lives, regardless of title or gender. Start with
the people who helped you through the last week: send them a text, give them a
call, share a song with them. I bet that list of people contains way more than just your mother. Appreciating the relationships in our
lives: now there’s a reason for a
special day.
To sum up the complicated and messy emotions surrounding
mothers day, I’m sharing this playlist: a mix of anger, gratitude, reality,
smacks in the face, and love. You can access the whole playlist on Spotify:
Thank you so much for your sweet mother's day card! I really appreciate it, and then feel guilty for not sending you cards often enough. Please don't hate me for that, I'm just not as good at it as you are. Oh, and regarding a DAY for mother's, I just want breakfast in bed and not to have to make or clean up any food all day, dammit!!!!
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