Killer Music

Last night I had an awesome experience on the floor at the Killers concert at the LA Sports Arena—the concert experience is always better on the floor. As I prepped for the concert, listening to setlists from previous shows, a dawning of acceptance hit me: that my past, present, and future are summed up nicely in the Killers’ discography!

My husband died. Seven months ago. He was the original Killers fan in our family; it didn’t take much to convert me. So, clearly, the Killers own that part of my past. They also did a bang-up job of describing a few of my long-lost-love scenarios. As I go through the grieving process, their music is interwoven with the threads I’m trying to stitch together and build a new life out of. Hence, the present. And then there are those parts of my future I dream about (in some cases, have dreamt about, for a while) which are hinted about in various Killers songs. Will they come to fruition? Only time (and a few more songs) will tell…

Miss Atomic Bomb

“I was new in town, the boy with the eager eyes

I never was a quitter, oblivious to schoolgirls' lies”

Past. Everyone needs a delicious little eager admirer (or two) in their past. ;) Don’t know how Atomic I’ve been, though. Maybe that part belongs to the future, yet.

 

I invite you to share my live Miss Atomic Bomb experience with me:

Here With Me

“Don’t want your picture on my cell phone – I want you here with me
Don't need those memories in my head, no  – I want you here with me"

Present. Of course there’s the obvious connection to the deceased husband. There are other people in my present who are probably temporary passers-through, but to whom I’m drawn because of what they’ve brought me at this strange time of life. I’m very open to new life experiences right now and I want to connect with as many people who can help me feel and experience as many things as possible. In my earlier adult life (hell, my whole life, really), I was pretty closed off to new people, new things, new experiences. Something has been opening up inside me, gradually, over the past few years but then the chasm has split wide open in the past few months and I want to let in the whole world.

Be Still

“Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done”

Present. I’ve been given a rare opportunity to embrace life in a whole new way, at a time when I’m still young enough to do it differently. I feel a lot of pressure to reinvent myself as a single person; some days I’m thrilled with that prospect, and other days it just plain makes me mad. I wonder why so many people seem to care what I’ll do next. What if I never do anything different than I did it last week, or last month, or last year? Does that make me a lazy and awful person? At the same time, I know that I have been given great light, understanding, talent, and reasoning capability. God doesn’t expect me to waste that when there’s an opportunity to grow it all even greater.

Somebody Told Me

“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year”

Future. In college my brother had a roommate with the most incredible, sexy, long, wavy hair. I want to find that man (or find that hair on a comparable man) and make him mine. At least for a little while.

A Dustland Fairytale

“Change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fire

She says she always knew he'd come around

And the decades disappear like sinking ships

But we persevere, God gives us hope

But we still fear what we don't know”

Past and Future. When I was 19 I hatched up this little story—the plot of a novel, really—that was based around some imaginary future I envisioned for myself. 21 years into that future, I am surprised to say that several key components of that story have actually come to pass. So…perhaps I was writing the beginning of my first great novel, or perhaps I was writing my own destiny.

I invite you to share my live Dustland Fairytale experience with me: